Storyline Refresh

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Storyline Refresh

Postby griffinps3 » Wed Apr 21, 2010 8:05 pm

Hey. I've recently come to find that there is way to much copy write issues to go on with my current story for Core so her is a brand new, fresh out of the box, big and shiny, new story. Please hope I don't have to do this again!

Core once was never Core. It was an age called Keriafen and back then it was not in shards but a whole planet. Keriafen was ruled by two governments each governing at the same time but in different places like today. One group, The Counsel of knowledge, based their beliefs entirely off what was science, is science, and to be science. The other group, The Counsel of Eurrenius, was based entirely off their religions and old traditions. Now religion and science arn't very good to mix up in government, but they did it anyway and over the years tension and hate had build up between them. Then one day their planets end desided to come.
All of a sudden a massive meteor that was at least planetoid size shot out of the sky and shattered their world into bits. Thankfully for them, one of the rocks on their planet held a very special property. It was able to take in pure light and in response shoot out oxygen.
One structure that they had build may years before was made of this rock and that is what saved them.
When they shattered the tower structure took in so much light from the explosion that it created it's own little oxygen bubble and all those that had been in that tower at the time, lived. This included plants and some animals which they used for food until all they had left were seeds which in turn turned them into a sole herbivore race.
For some time the people tried to fish some of their lost belongings still floating back to the tower which included new land masses.
All this time, the governments forgot their differences and settled into a truce.
Many years Later after Core had become a complete and thriving society one man made a great breakthrough and found a way to harness the energy of starlight through the rocks I had talked about earlier and eventually he brought machines and power to their once dark age world.
Some did not like this and there was a rebellion which killed all. All except two. One was the man who captured starlight and one was the rebellion ringleader.
The scholar had built a refuge and escaped by hiding away and using a scavenged linking book from their planet that was in the library.
The rebellor also escaped in hopes of chasing the scholar and he two used a linking book from the library. This book was the wrong one.

The two men had set off on their paths to destiny through Ironwood and Tesahno. The rest of the story now is still " classified ".

Now please help me out here. If you see anything and I MEAN anything wrong, please tell me! Don't just sit back to let me find out and have to do it all again! I want this age to be real as much as you do but I have to get this far first!
Griffinps3 - Head Core Producer

" Once upon a time there was a lovely little sausage named Bauldrik and he lived happily ever after. The End. " - Blackadder
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Re: Storyline Refresh

Postby Xindhus » Sun Apr 25, 2010 9:09 am

Let the nitpicking begin! /me rubs hands and laughs maniacally ... :twisted:

Thankfully for them, one of the rocks on their planet held a very special property. It was able to take in pure light and in response shoot out oxygen.

I don't think such a detailed explanation is necessary here. Not only does it posess the most tenuous of connections to actual science (conservation of mass and all that), but I think it might actually turn your audence off if you start spouting technobabble. Keep the backstory as simple and straightforward as possible and focus on the puzzles, is my advice.

Also, you're being quite anthropocentric here. Why should we assume that this alien race breathed oxygen? Aside from the obvious necessity of our survival on this world. Speaking of the race, what do we know about them? Are they humanoid?

The scholar had built a refuge and escaped by hiding away and using a scavenged linking book from their planet that was in the library.
The rebellor also escaped in hopes of chasing the scholar and he two used a linking book from the library. This book was the wrong one.


How did the people, presumably not in any way related to the D'ni, wind up with linking book technology? From the canonical histories, the method of linking via books seems unique. I'm not saying it's impossible, just highly improbable.

Sounds good! Looking forward to it.
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Re: Storyline Refresh

Postby griffinps3 » Sun Apr 25, 2010 4:04 pm

Thank you for your help Xindhus. By the way, I'm not anthropocentric I'm just making it easier for it to be possible to actually explore the age. If there was no oxygen bubble then Oh no! We just choked out in the depths of space and that's not cool. And yes lets say this is a humanoid race just because we can relate more easily!

Also for your question about how they got ahold of linking books ( I was ready for this one ). Lets say before this races planet went Kaboom Dn'i linked here to explore and when they left they did not dispose of their book properly. Now the race will find the books! Sure its improbable but not highly since as describes in the novels ( I may be wrong ) that when you write an age your not just poofing it into existence but your just making a door there.

Thank you for your help! I really think this story is going to be the one that continues.
Griffinps3 - Head Core Producer

" Once upon a time there was a lovely little sausage named Bauldrik and he lived happily ever after. The End. " - Blackadder
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